Currently, Nearly 50% of the U.S. work force works either hybrid or remotely. But…how does that change your poopablility?
Like many people, I used to work every day in an office. And like many people, that shifted to a remote or hybrid office experience.
Almost half of the United States still works either remotely or hybrid (as a writer, there’s really no reason to go into an office for me). Some employers need employees close by, and some professions are more efficient when done from home.
But one thing I’ve noticed, and one thing I’ve missed since I’ve moved to a remote position?
The office poop break.
You see, I used to use the bathroom regularly around the mid-afternoon (except for when my shyness led to a long drought during summer camp).
It was a respite. My first job out of college, I worked for near minimum wage at law firm that also demanded that NO personal internet usage could occur. (They sucked!) So I would grab a free local newspaper (R.I.P. The RedEye) and I would take my time on the throne while I worked for millionaires for $11 an hour (where I had to wear a suit and tie) (and had to sign in) (and yes, was docked if I showed up more than 10 minutes late) (and yes, didn’t get overtime).
I’d bring a pen with me to do the daily sudoku and crossword puzzle, and give myself a nice twenty minute break from doing work I would easily be able to do later that day, and for which I was being aggressively underpaid and underappreciated.
My bosses, basically.
When I eventually left for greener, and much better compensated, pastures, my bosses said “…honestly we’re happy we got the value from you as long as we did.”
So my mid-day dump-break became a habit, even at my next job as a content strategist. It was nice to know I had 10 to 30 minutes I could log off and sit on a throne (though now that RedEye no longer exists, I tend to listen to podcasts during my repose).
And then came the lockdown.
We all had to find ways to cope with a global crisis, but I’m not here to talk about anything political or divisive. I’m here to talk about how having to suddenly work from home changed my bathroom schedule.
I stayed regular. But was regular…earlier
Most poopable poopers take care of business shortly after waking up. Medical professionals say the best time for taking care of business is roughly twenty minutes after eating breakfast, so I guess my new habit is healthier for me.
But I miss my poo breaks!
When you use the throne before your workday begins, you don’t get to “stick it to the man” like you once did. No matter your job, taking up to half an hour of company time to take care of your bodily needs is nice. In the past, we all had multiple smoke breaks during the day. Now we have dump breaks.
But once your colon has decided a time and a place, that means you’ll have to take care of business when you do. And you rush the affair a bit as a result. Afterall, you’re not getting paid for your time on the throne!
Ultimately, it’s good to be regular, but remote work has its drawbacks
I’m now working hybrid, but even when I go into the office, I take care of business before I head out.
I much prefer the extra time I get avoiding commuting when I work from home. But, deep down (and in my bowels) I’ll always miss my ability to hold in my daily duties until I’m at work.