Hey you! Yes you! Do you know what day is today?
Why, it’s America’s birthday!
The Fourth of July is a time for friends, fun, firing up barbeques and fireworks. It’s one of the best times of the year.
But as you find yourself eating copious amounts of delicious food, you might wonder…how will your toilet respond to the end result of the holiday?
Fear not! For I am here to talk about some of the most common dishes served on the Fourth of July, and to give you an idea of how it might impact your bowels.
There are plenty of fantastic options for a Fourth of July feast, but we decided to pick a few of our own so we could look at which ones are Poopable.
Potato Salad
A staple of any pot luck, barbeque, or picnic, potato salad is a delicious American staple that you’ll likely encounter. Some recipes are vinegar based, but generally you should expect Yukon gold potatoes boiled and diced up with mayonnaise and an assortment of vegetables and seasoning.
Dill is great, salt and pepper is essential, you’re probably going to find some diced celery, and you might add a dash of mustard or apple cider vinegar to give it a bit of a kick.
Is Potato Salad Poopable?
It is delicious, but be weary. Potatoes contain short-chain carbohydrates that are hard for your system to digest, which means that if you load up on the potato salad, you might end up with bloating, gas, and a potential emergency run to the nearest outhouse.
Mayonnaise may help coat your stomach to make the process a little less volatile, but it’s important to be safe when it comes to your 4th of July picnics, especially if the potato salad has been out in the hot sun.
Baked Beans
Beans, beans, the magical fruit, the more you eat them the more you…well you know the rest.
Baked beans are a staple side dish for many regions of America, a flavorful mix of beans baked with a sauce that can contain mustard, ketchup, brown sugar, paprika, and a whole variety of other ingredients that result in a rich and hearty dish.
Are Baked Beans Poopable?
If you love baked beans, feel free to add them to your plate. But beware – while they are a great source of protein, fiber, folate, potassium, magnesium and iron, if you’re not accustomed to them, especially if the beans were initially dried, it might cause some uncomfortable gas.
Shouldn’t be surprising considering the reputation beans have had for generations.
But if you like your beans, have at them! And if that leads to a Poopable emergency, you can always let us know so we can tell your tale of woe.
Ribs
Smoked or barbequed ribs are key to any Fourth of July celebration. The beauty of of ribs is that, so long as you cook them right, you can enjoy delicious meat falling off the bones in a variety of styles. You might enjoy a dry rub, or a wet rub, you might like a mustard base, or a ketchup base.
But you know when you’re having ribs, you’ll end up with a full belly, some messy fingers, and a whole lot of spent napkins.
Are Ribs Poopable?
While ribs might cause more heartburn than leaner meats, it probably won’t cause too much distress on the toilet.
Plus, they’re ribs. Everyone loves ribs.
Grilled Corn
Corn is a staple crop in America, and a staple addition to any Fourth of July barbeque.
But as delicious as a grilled husk of corn, sprinkled with sea salt, might be, it can cause a surprising amount of toilet distress.
Is Grilled Corn Poopable?
There’s a reason why you can see whole kernels pass through your body without being digested. Unfortunately, corn is not very Poopable…but it tastes so good we won’t blame you for going for seconds.
Hot Dogs
Now we get to the true Independence Day power players. Nothing says America like a hot dog and a beer on a sunny July day.
Hot dogs are beautiful because they’re versatile. Chicago-style hot dogs are covered in enough toppings it’s basically a salad. In Coney Island, your hot dog might be topped with meatless chili and white onions.
And there’s no greater feeling than that turning a hot dog to see perfect grill marks while celebrating the birthday of America.
Are Hot Dogs Poopable?
Yes. Hot dogs are amazing. You should eat hot dogs whenever possible.
But, um. Yeah, they’ll make you poop, and you might not like it.
But this is the FOURTH OF JULY, dang it. Eat that hot dog, and live.
Hamburgers
We could go on and on with classic Fourth of July foods, but we might as well end with what almost every meat-eating American will be consuming today.
Hamburgers.
Nothing feels more like summer than flipping a hamburger patty on the grill amongst your neighbors, family, and friends, and no day feels more like summer than Independence Day.
We don’t need to describe hamburgers to you. But we still have to ask…
Are Hamburgers Poopable?
While hamburgers aren’t exactly part of a healthy balanced diet, when cooked properly, and using quality ingredients, you shouldn’t find much in the way of gastrointestinal distress if you grab a patty from the grill.