Carnivore diet reeking havoc on entertainer dumps…
Recently, on Matt and Shane’s Secret Podcast, hosts, Shane Gillis and Matt McCusker sat down with guest star, Theo Von to chat about a litany of comedic topics. They began the conversation discussing the top-of-mind diet (carnivore diet) for January.
The comedians get right into their poo poo conundrum immediately at the start of the episode.
“We’re on the carnivore diet. We can talk about eating meats,” remarked McCusker while his longtime friend and co-host Gillis suggested, “we can talk about having diarrhea.”
Von eventually dives into his experience with the carnivore diet in the past via admitting that during the diet he experienced a massive decline in energy due to the consumption of only animal-food groups.
Shane Gillis is still in the “full sh*t your pants phase.”
“Experts say that this very restrictive diet can deprive you of essential nutrients that come from plant-based foods, and has the potential to harm your health long-term.”
Von explained that he felt the effects of declined energy levels within two days.
“Your brain is using a different fuel source,” McCusker added. “I like it. Once you get out of that weird period of sh*tting your pants…”
Gillis explains that his bowel movements are mirroring that of a dear. The irony of an animal-based diet producing animal-like poo is laughable but also unsurprising.
“Rogan Lied!”
The carnivore diet eliminates or significantly reduces fiber intake from plant sources. There may be a decrease in the bulk and volume of stool. This can result in smaller, firmer stools compared to a diet rich in fiber. It’s also important to note that because the diet includes higher fat intake from animal sources. Increased fat consumption can influence the consistency of stool, potentially making it softer or looser.
Gillis explains his dismay with friend and fellow comedian Joe Rogan, whom has stated to Gillis that his dumps are completely Normal.
“It’s like watery explosive diarrhea!”
McCusker, seemingly agreeing with Gillis’ sentiment that the bowel movement experience on the diet is explosive while also involving a lengthy wiping process as well. “I have to wipe my a** like a baby’s a**. I have to wipe my whole a** after a dump on the carnivore diet.”
Both Gillis and McCusker have admitted that it, “gets on you” after a trip to the commode following a carnivore meal.
“Sh*t is so dangerous!”
Fear not fellow comedic poopers! The staff at Poopable can help! Here is an easy-to-follow guide to wiping after a slightly more adventurous bathroom endeavor.
- Embrace the Post-Diarrhea Victory:
- First, celebrate surviving the explosive ordeal. It may have been painfully and surely smelly but the poison has been purged. It’s important to note small triumphs. So take a moment to quietly reflect on survival or perhaps play some calming or relaxing tunes to settle your recently shaken nerves.
- Toilet Paper, Baby Wipes and Baby Powder:
- Sometimes toilet paper is not going to do the trick. Toilet paper can be a stand-alone champion but when it comes to explosive diarrhea, pair the TP with some flushable baby wipes. Once desired cleanliness has been achieved, apply some baby powder (BP). It’s not just for babies, and your non-chaffed rear will thank you later.
- The Walk-Out:
- Finally, stroll out of that restroom with pride and swagger. Complete decimation of a toilet is deserving of a few high fives from friends or even strangers. Strangers are poopers too, so don’t be shy. Let the folks know that you just let loose like an uncorked fire hydrant (after washing your hands).
The staff at Poopable have faith in these guys that they will survive their carnivore induced diarrhea.
The staff pool has hedged most of the bets on McCusker’s survivability as he has successfully navigated bouts of explosive diarrhea in the past.
Although our staff does have hopes for Gillis as well. A little known fact about the comedian is that he is also a decorated wartime veteran…
The staff at Poopable always want to hear from you and share your personal tales or wisdom. Drop a comment on the article or send us a note!